


Brachium Eius

by TheWickedWitchofDammitJim



Series: Academia AU [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Universe
Genre: Academia, Alternate Universe - Academia, And Twinkies, And done with you bullshit, Because Daniel is a sweetheart, Daniel Jackson is the only person with any manners, Daniel actually managed to make Rodney's 'compliments' better, Daniel worked hard, Don't even try to mess with his gardening know-how, Gen, M/M, Me thinking i'm funny, Not everyone is good at maths okay?, Poor Jack, Rodney is a special cinnamon roll, Ronon is just enjoying the drama, Sam is BAMF, Teal'c is a gardening badass, Teyla is competitive, The SG-1 team are engineers, The rest of them were raised by wolves, also, self indulgent, who honestly doesn't know any better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 08:44:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12384801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWickedWitchofDammitJim/pseuds/TheWickedWitchofDammitJim
Summary: Daniel knows that he met John Sheppard because of maths.He's not sure how he ended up as something vaguely resembling the only sane person in the storm that is Rodney McKay's wooing attempt.Featuring Teyla being competitive, Ronon knitting, Jack being an adult, explosions, Teal'c mourning tomatoes, and a missing bionic arm. Though not necessarily in that order.





	Brachium Eius

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a sequel to [Incipiere](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8943439) which I wrote for the Secret Santa exchange last year. 
> 
> The incredible [rabidfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidfan/pseuds/rabidfan) mentioned that Rodney was going to bug the ever loving crap out of the engineering department to get John that bionic arm and this is the result. 
> 
> Honestly, this is just a guilty little pleasure to keep me alive through the hell that is writing academic papers.

It all starts, like so many things in Daniel’s life, with the fact that he’s shitty with maths. 

And of course Sam’s at a conference. 

This only leaves Teal’c and Jack as options. And since neither of them really ranks anything higher than ‘acceptable’ at maths, this is a worrying situation.

Which is why the three of them are gathered in the tea room and Jack is squinting at the calculations in a recently published article about half an hour later with the face of a man who is seriously contemplating killing everyone currently in the room. 

“I find myself at a loss as to what you are currently attempting to do.” Teal’c admits as he puts down the article with a gravitas that is more suited to a funeral. 

“Look,” Daniel sighs, “all I want to do is just use this formula to get rid of this thingie here so I can just find the wind resistance.” He’s gesticulating wildly enough that he spills some of his coffee on Jack who gives an offended yelp before forcing the mug from Daniel’s hand. 

“You’re a menace, and not just because I’m pretty sure you’re the shittiest person at maths I’ve ever met. Seriously, how did you even pass it?”

“I worked hard.” Daniel says with a glare. 

“And now we’re stuck with you.” Jack sighs as he takes a sip from Daniel’s coffee. 

“I believe it would be best of we waited for Professor Carter to return.” Teal’c interjects over Daniel’s offended outrage. “She does have a PhD in both mathematics and engineering.”

“We can’t do that Teal’c!” Jack says, looking put out. 

“Why not? She is always the one who fixes our maths.” 

“Well, yeah. But then she’ll huff and puff and get a big head and go on about how we’re not problem solvers or something and the next thing you know bam! We’re all doing trust falls, talking about our feelings and being forced to tape motivational posters to our walls.” 

“Also, this is for a grant that I’m working on that’s due tomorrow.” Daniel chimes in. 

The other two men give him equally unimpressed looks and Daniel gives them a sheepish smile. 

“Okay, we can do this.” Jack nods decisively. “We’re engineers- we troubleshoot things for a living.” 

He then tosses back the rest of Daniel’s coffee and slams the mug down on the table. 

“Well, yeah, but usually it involves duct tape and Q20.” Daniel says with a mournful look at his empty mug. 

“I believe I may be of some assistance.” Teal’c muses as he gives Daniel a firm pat on the shoulder. 

“Okay, great. Shoot T-man.” Jack nods magnanimously. 

“We must seek out expert guidance.” Teal’c nods.

“Wait- expert… Nope.” 

“Why not?” Teal’c asks Jack. 

“Because then I have to deal with those nerds thinking they’re so much smarter than us.” Jack sighs. 

“In this instance, they would be correct.” Teal’c points out. 

“Teal’c’s right.” Daniel nods. “It’s the best option.” 

“Why do I always hate the best option?” Jack pouts. 

“Jack, please.” Daniel says, pulling out the puppy eyes. 

“Well fine. But I’m not going.” Jack says firmly. 

Which is why he’s both understandably confused and pissed at the fact that he finds himself in the maths department fifteen minutes later. 

“I still don’t see why this is my problem.” He grumbles under his breath, though just loudly enough for Teal’c to give him the kind of look usually reserved for tombstones which have randomly started shifting. 

“We are a team. I thought your military was against leaving people behind.” 

“Well yeah, under threat of certain death sure. But under threat of judgmental nerds everyone’s on their own.” 

“Why don’t we just try the post grads first?” Daniel suggests reasonably. “They can’t really judge us that much since they’re pretty pathetic themselves.” 

“Ugh.” Jack rolls his eyes so hard his entire body moves with it. “Fine.” 

“Great!” Daniel smiles as he knocks on the door to the post grad office. “I bet they’ll be lovely people.” 

“I bet they kill us in our sleep.” Jack grumbles just as a voice calls from inside. 

Daniel gives him a warning look before waltzing into the office and giving the only occupant his best smile. 

“Hey there! I’m Daniel, and I was wondering whether you could maybe help me with a maths problem.” 

The guy finally turns around and lifts his single eyebrow in a completely unimpressed way. 

“Yeah, look kid,” He drawls nonchalantly as Daniel tries not to stare too obviously at the empty sleeve, “I’m not a maths TA, so you might want to wait for one of those to get back from lunch.” 

“Nice scars.” Jack says from behind Daniel, completely breezing past the normal polite thing to do. “Where’d you get ‘em?”

The maths guy- who still hasn’t introduced himself so maybe he’ll bond with Jack on how rude they can be- gives Jack a considering once over. 

“Please tell me you’re not army.” Not-TA finally drawls. 

“I might have to punch you for insinuating I look anything like a jar head.” Jack sneers. 

“Jack was air force.” Daniel smiles disarmingly. 

“Well thank fuck.” Not-TA smirks as he holds out his left hand to Jack. “Aim high.”

“Fly-fight-win.” Jack smirks right back and Daniel is pretty sure that this whole day is going to end in disaster. 

“Does this mean that you are more or less likely to assist us with the equation which is currently standing between Doctor Jackson and his grant application?” Teal’c interjects and Daniel honestly wonders whether everyone in the engineering department was raised by wolves. 

But Not-TA must also have been raised by wolves because he just tilts his head at them in a considering manner before answering, “Probably more, though I gotta warn you- I’m the new guy.” 

“Great.” Jack nods. “You’re still probably better at this than we are.” 

It turns out Not-TA’s name is John Sheppard, formerly a major in the USAF, who started his PhD in mathematics after losing his arm and ‘good looks’. 

He’s quick and confident and manages to actually turn Daniel’s half-hearted squiggles into meaningful maths that even Daniel finds himself comprehending. 

“This is amazing.” Daniel breathes in awe. “It makes perfect sense!”

“Well yeah, I mean, the article was obviously written by an engineer.” John nods as he squints at the article again. “You really don’t need that many variables when you think about it.” 

“Well, if you can make Daniel understand maths I’m confused.” Jack says from where he’s currently building a plane with rubber bands and stationery. 

“Hm.” John asks absently. 

“About why you’re not a TA.” Jack says and Daniel immediately perks up- as does Teal’c from where he’s currently off staring at the planter with its withering… plants. Of some kind. 

Because Daniel can tell when Jack’s working up to his recruitment spiel, and honestly he’d love to have John around. He’s pretty sure John would make a brilliant addition to everyone’s lives really. 

“Oh, I am a TA. Just not in the maths department.” 

“Then where are you a TA, John Sheppard?” Teal’c asks as he reaches for a pen lying on the desk closest to him. 

“Physics actually.” John snorts. “McCrazy got to me.” 

The other three men in the room still as John continues making markings on the article. 

“McCrazy.” Jack says slowly. “As in Rodney McKay?”

“Huh. I didn’t think he was actually that notorious.” 

“Uh, yeah, everybody knows him.” Daniel says with a wan smile. “I mean, he’s brilliant but…” 

“He’s crazy and impossible to work with?” John snorts. “Yeah, Ms Carter already gave me the speech, and Ronon even gave me his file.” 

“And yet you are working for him.” Teal’c states as he continues to make holes in the bottom of the planter. 

“You better not break that- Teyla’s convinved she’s going to grow us tomatoes and keep us all from getting scurvy. Also, yeah. I’ve been reliably informed it’s probably some horrible mixture of Stockholm syndrome and PTSD, but the situation’s being carefully monitored just in case.” 

“Well,” Daniel sighs, “that does make me sleep easier.” 

Jack just snorts and makes sure to pointedly talk about all the nice people in the engineering department, the great coffee machine they made themselves and how John should come see it for himself sometime. 

Teal’c manages to rig the planter to become self-watering since apparently the tomatoes aren’t being watered with any regularity. He also recommends a better lighting situation before Daniel can usher him out of the office with a last apologetic smile at Jack’s parting shots about how nice and caring Teal’c is. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Daniel honestly thinks that will be the last they’ll see of John Sheppard, but a few weeks later he stops on his way to the break room at the sound of Sam cheerily geeking out with someone about fractals. 

Daniel carefully pokes his head around the corner to find John Sheppard sitting at their AT-AT table, chugging back coffee and smiling. 

“Oh, John!” Daniel smiles at the other man as he heads for the coffee machine. “It’s great to see you’ve accepted Jack’s offer.” 

“Well, I’m not gonna lie, this coffee is pretty great. Company’s even better though.” He smiles at Sam again. 

Sam laughs and knocks her mug into his in a toast. “I’m not going to lie, I miss mathematicians sometimes.” 

“I know exactly what you mean.” John nods. “But I have a message to deliver before class.” 

“Class?” Sam asks nonchalantly. 

“Yeah, I TA.” 

“For Rodney McKay.” Daniel points out. 

Sam’s eyes narrow at this new information, but John just blazes ahead with the kind of conviction of someone who has had this conversation way too many times in the past. 

“Yep. Anyways, Teyla says that if Teal’c has something to say about her gardening skills he needs to come say them to her face.” 

“I wouldn’t really mess with Teal’c’s gardening skills.” Sam warns. 

“Oh, I’m pretty sure it’s just a ploy to get him to come set up the light system he was talking about.” John waves nonchalantly. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

“It wasn’t just about the lighting system, was it?” Sam demands of John a few days later as they stand outside the smoking remains of a makeshift greenhouse. Jack is currently attempting to keep Teal’c and Teyla seperated and a large man with dreadlocks is munching a Twinkie and watching the whole thing like it’s some sort of soap opera. 

“Probably not.” John nods slowly. “But I’m damnned if I know what it was about.”

“Teyla wasn’t about to take gardening advice from someone who grew up in the desert and Teal’c wasn’t about to let some tropical tree hugger undermine his gardening ability.” Dreadlocks says as he unwraps another Twinkie. 

“I told you not to let her mess with his gardening skills.” Sam sighs. 

“Well, in my defense, I didn't know Teyla had any kind of gardening experience with which to mess with his.” John sighs. 

“She doesn’t.” Dreadlocks shrugs. “She’s just really really competitive.” 

“And now the fire department’s on its way.” Daniel points to the emergency lights and sirens approaching. 

“Right. Now seems like a good time to disappear.” Dreadlocks says and John nods. 

“You should go.” Sam agrees. 

“You’re going to stick around?” Dreadlocks asks suspiciously. 

“Uh, well, the engineering department might have a bit of a reputation…” Daniel grimaces. 

“So they’ll know it was us anyways.” Sam nods. 

“Wow.” Dreadlocks gives them a sort-of-impressed look before nudging John and heading to collect Teyla. 

They end up dragging her away, while Jack brings Teal’c over to wait for emergency services with them. 

“Just so you guys know- I am going to be planning my revenge on you all during these committee meetings.” Jack threatens in the glow of the coals. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Jack doesn’t actually end up planning revenge in those meetings because apparently Sam finds out that Sheppard used to be quite the hardcore RC car enthusiast and that it was one of those hobbies he’d found out the hard way needed two hands. 

Which of course resulted in Daniel having feelings, which resulted in those big doe eyes being turned on Jack and honestly, that was that. 

Operation build one-handed RC controls was a go. 

Of course, Sam and Teal’c were all over the cars themselves (“If we can get these to run on solar power…” Sam had gushed and Teal’c had nodded. “We should also use recycled materials.” 

“Well I wasn’t gonna buy you materials!” Jack had shouted after them in frustration.”) 

Still, now he’s spending his meetings designing a single-handed remote control with Daniel instead of planning how to make them suffer for making him sit in all of these meetings. 

Still, he thinks as he sketches out another possible design. He supposes that making things more accessible for those with disabilities is probably a better use of his time and resources. Look at him being an adult and stuff. His mother would be proud. 

“Jack, are you listening to me?” George Hammond asks and Jack blinks at him in confusion. 

“George, when have I ever listened in one of these things?”

George lets out a slow frustrated breath. “This is important. You can’t keep blowing things up.”

“I don’t blow things up.” Jack explains with exagerated patience. “My staff does.” 

“Right.” George doesn’t look convinced. “So your revenge for sitting through these meetings won’t blow anything up either.” 

“Actually, I’m designing an accessibility device.” 

George blinks confusedly at him. “Excuse me?”

“Yup. We’re jumping on that disability bandwagon. Probably a good time to get into prosthetics design, what with so many vets coming home missing pieces of themselves.” 

“So you’re focusing on research.” 

“Seems like it.” 

George narrows his eyes at him, but allows him out of the office with minimal threats and Jack finds himself whistling on his way back to his office. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

“And they’re solar powered.” Sam smiles at John over the two RC cars. “Which is really revolutionary.” 

“Oh, and see how Jack and I made this customizable for different hand sizes?” Daniel adds eagerly. “And feel how light we got it! Take that Sony!” 

“… Shit guys.” John sounds pretty choked up, which Sam takes as a personal win considering how the man never seems flustered or affected by daily occurrences. 

“Should tide you over until the bionic arm.” Jack snorts. 

“I don’t need any of this.” John snaps. 

“Don’t get the wrong idea here Sheppard- I needed a fresh new grant proposal. You’re just the guinea pig.” Jack waves him off. 

“That is untrue.” Teal’c interjects despite Daniel’s best efforts at communicating ‘fuck no don’t say anything that’ll get his back up he’s way too proud to accept kindness outright what are you doing Teal’c shut up!’ with his eyes. 

“You are also the only reason that Jack overcame his inventing block. He will receive many grants thanks to your inspiration.” 

The others simply blink at Teal’c before a shit eating grin spreads onto John’s face. 

“So what, I’m your muse who saved you from academic ruin?” 

“Shut up and go be my guinea pig.” Jack sighs. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

It’s about a week after that that several first years invade Daniel’s office with wide eyes and pale faces.

“Oh God, he’s managed to escape!” A sweet blonde who had managed to design an extraordinary box cart last semester whispers as she leans her shaking body against his door. 

“I honestly thought we were safe here- I don’t suppose you have any salt Doc?” One of her companions asks as his eyes dart around Daniel’s office. 

“Salt?” Daniel asks in confusion as he takes his glasses off. “I suppose we may have some in the break room but, I mean, is it office hours already?”

“Not really, Doc, sorry.” Another of the students says apologetically. “But we needed to get away from Professor McCra, uh, Mc… Uhm… I mean, his real surname is, uhhhhhhhhh…”

There is dawning horror on all of their faces at the realization that they do not know the Professor in question’s actual surname. 

“Wait- do you mean Professor McKay?” Daniel asks, feeling panic of his own creeping into his every cell. 

“Oh!” The students chorus in relief. “Yes! Him!” 

“This is catastrophic!” Daniel yelps as he shoots out of his chair and in the direction of the door. 

“Well, now we’re fucked.” The student who had asked for salt says simply as raised voices echo down the corridor. 

“Er.” Daniel says, stepping back as the voices become higher in pitch. “I mean, it’s almost office hours, right? And I have instant coffee. And some protein bars. No reason we need to go out there until this blows over.” 

The students give him looks which clearly state that he’s not really brilliant at being a responsible adult and calming their nerves, but hey, he’s all they’ve got.

Which is ruined when Teal'c opens the door between their offices and asks, “Daniel, why is there a man yelling at Professor Carter?” 

“Uhm.” Daniel sighs as he rubs at the bridge of his nose. “He has bad taste?” 

Teal’c considers this seriously before nodding in agreement. “We should inform him that he is unwelcome in our department in that case.” 

And then he just turns around and heads for ground zero which causes Daniel to yelp and run after him in an attempt to foil his suicidal plan. 

“… believe you are still the same small minded, chauvinisitic, trogdolyte you were in undergrad!” Sam is yelling at a frumpy looking man. 

“I was being complimentary!” The man yells back. 

“You said I had nice mammary glands you ass!” 

“You nearly had me expelled for a compliment!” 

Sam grabs him and pushes him up against the wall, “Yes, and if it hadn’t been for the systemic sexism I deal with every single day of my life you would have been a window cleaner somewhere!”  
“This is ridiculous, let me go you hysterical harpy!”

Teal’c manages to wade into the altercation as though he has mystical powers to separate the two before Sam manages to strangle McKay. 

“You are unwelcome in our department.” Teal’c intones to McKay, who he is holding by the scruff of his jacket like a demented puppy. 

“I’m going before I murder him- Teal’c will see you out.” Sam snarls and storms away. 

McKay harrumphs before Teal’c begins dragging him towards the door, which elicits a curse and strange wiggling motions in an attempt at his freedom. 

“Uhm, McKay, I wouldn’t resist him if I were you.” Daniel says, helpfully. 

“No, no, no, no! Let me go you neanderthal! You won’t be getting out of this so easily!” Is McKay’s only answer. 

“Out of what?” Daniel asks curiously. 

McKay finally manages to extricate himself from his jacket and thrust his index finger under Daniel’s nose. Daniel finds himself impressed by this display of dexterity. 

“You can’t just make him promises like that and not go through with them.” 

“Promises?” Daniel blinks into McKay’s crazed eyes. 

“I keep my promises, Professor McCrazy.” Teal’c notes as he once again snatches McKay up and proceeds to dump him outside their department. “And I promise that if you should force your way into this department again, I will ensure that no one finds your body.” 

The closing of the door in McKay’s spluttering face is pretty final, but Daniel finds himself incredibly curious about the incident nonetheless. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Jack sighs as he drops into his chair in the break room, steaming mug of coffee in one hand and a was-fresh-this-morning bagel in the other. 

It’s after hours, he’s finally finished all of his paperwork, and since Daniel’s the only other person in the department he might finally be able to convince his husband to christen the AT-AT. 

Yup, the night’s definitely looking up. 

Until he hears the door to the department opening. 

And Teyla’s voice. Because of course he’s going to end up cock blocked by fucking plants, of course he is. 

“… not like the brightness of these UV lights. They will give us headaches.” Teyla is saying. 

“They are far more likely to give you cancer.” Teal’c answers. “But as you are attempting to grow tomatoes, you will have to pick between the greater of two evils.” 

“I am fairly certain that you are the greater of all evils.” Teyla counters as she enters the break room with a basket. “Oh, good evening Professor O’Neil!” 

“Hey. I’m still Jack.” Jack gives her a lazy salute with his bagel. “What you got there?” 

“My Instead-of-Thesis-Cake.” 

“Shouldn’t you be sharing that with your colleagues?” Jack frowns at her. 

“I am afraid I may have baked more than one.” 

“Yeah, I got pretty fat while Daniel wrote his thesis.” Jack smiles dreamily at the memory. “He used to marathon cooking shows. Best three years of my life.” 

“That is indeed encouraging.” Teyla smiles. 

“Yeah- don’t get married during this time. It’ll give your spouse false expectations.” 

“Are you telling people about my procrastination cooking again?” Daniel sighs as he shuffles into the break room. 

“Yup.” Jack smirks, making sure to pop the ‘p' irritatingly. 

Daniel simply glares at him before smiling at Teyla and putting an understanding hand on her shoulder. “It’s good to have hobbies to counteract all that stress.” 

“Especially since it seems unlikely that gardening is to be that hobby.” She smiles wryly at him. 

“Meh, not all hobbies are created equally.” Daniel shrugs. 

“No smack talk kids.” Jack sighs. 

“Of course not.” Daniel says, looking offended. “Though, if you’d been here earlier today that might have been a useful thing to say.” 

“Really.” Jack squints at his husband. 

“Really. Since Rodney McKay decided to show up and scare the students half to death.” 

“Wait, he what?” Jack is sitting up straight now. 

“That is strange.” Teyla muses. “I was not aware he could leave the physics building.” 

“You’re the third person today to say that.” Daniel frowns. “Also, what is everyone’s obsession with salt?” 

Teyla merely smirks at him in answer and Jack decides to get them back on track. 

“Wait, are you honestly saying that he just waltzed in here and… scared the shit out of people?” 

“Well, I mean, Sam stopped him from doing too much damage. And then Teal’c threw him out.” 

“Huh. What’s Sam’s damage?” 

“Uh, he apparently said she had nice boobs when they were in undergrad together.” Daniel grimaces. 

Jack whistles at that. “Seriously?” 

“I have never cared for the man myself.” Teyla frowns. “He was most rude and condescending to John. He caused him to retreat into his flat for ten days.” 

“And you let him TA for the man?” Jack frowns. 

“Well.” Teyla gnaws at her lip. “Apparently he also got him to leave the flat again.”

“So they’re, uhm, close?” Daniel asks, in that too casual way that he has. Jack immediately narrows his eyes at him in suspicion but Daniel just shakes his head subtly. 

“I suppose. At the very least he makes certain that John eats. And they race those little remote controlled cars you made for John a great deal.” 

“Well, they are pretty awesome little cars.” Jack smirks. 

“Indeed.” Teal’c says, appearing out of thin air to give them all heart attacks. “Now, I gave my word that I would escort you home safely, despite your tomato massacre. And I am a man of my word.” 

Teyla snorts at this and manages to sweep from the room with a quick smile and wave at the married couple. Teal’c manages his usual dignified exit. 

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” Jack asks Daniel. 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Daniel sighs. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Which is why Daniel tells himself he needs to keep a closer eye on John from then on, because just because he’s fairly sure that he’s hallucinating doesn’t mean that John doesn’t need all the help he can get. 

Of course, McKay doesn’t make this easy since he breaks into Daniel’s office via the window about two days after the last incident. 

“Are you insane!” Daniel hisses at McKay’s blue eyes as he slaps a hand over the other man’s mouth. “Teal’c’s office is right next to mine!” 

“Hmhnjppjjuyhuoosjdjuoouoidjfhdyfdkjkj!” McKay says, brilliantly. 

“Shhhh! For heavens’ sakes! Oh, great, now he’s moving! And we’re going out the window.” 

They tumble into the flower beds and Daniel proceeds to drag McKay further from the department through sheer will that no one will be dying on his watch. 

McKay proceeds to grumble quietly enough that Daniel begins to suspect that he may have some survival instincts after all. 

“You’re married.” McKay notes when Daniel finally lets go of him in a copse of trees where he can be fairly certain of their privacy. 

“Well, yes.” Daniel shrugs. 

“I’m sorry.” McKay says and Daniel thinks maybe they've gotten somewhere. 

“For what?” 

“Well, considering the divorce rate…” McKay starts and Daniel sighs and reconsiders his stance on letting Teal'c murder McKay. 

“I’m not having this conversation with you. Look, the only reason I’m here with you is because I want to know why the hell you keep breaking into our department. I mean, there are less messy ways to commit suicide.” 

“Don’t be stupid.” McKay snaps at him, and then he clears his throat. “It’s just that John’s very invested in that bionic arm. I intend to make sure you morons don’t disappoint him.” 

Daniel cocks his head to look at McKay, really look at him, and this makes McKay squirm in a very satisfying way. 

“What?” 

“So it is about John’s arm.” Daniel says. 

“Well, I don’t have time to actually do it myself.” Rodney snaps. “But it would make his life a lot easier.” 

“And my being married has what exactly to do with his arm?” 

“I was expressing my condolences to your poor life choices.” 

“Sure you were. I’m married to Jack O’Neill by the way- the head of our department. And Teal’c has a fiancé. But Sam’s single at the moment.” 

McKay’s jaw tightens fiercely. “And of course, considering how imminently excellent a potential mate she makes, this will not be the case for very long.” 

“Well, I guess. But Sam has a strict no mathematicians policy.” Daniel makes sure his shrug is casual, but his eyes are riveted on McKay. “Something about a bad experience.” 

McKay manages to look intrigued, disturbed and nonplussed at this comment. But mostly he just looks relieved and… lovelorn. 

Fuck. 

Daniel sighs. “Look, it’s Jack’s project anyways, so I’ll make sure he keeps on schedule, okay? Just stay away from Sam and Teal’c and the office.” 

He’s not even surprised when he gets a text that simply says:

Progress meeting every Tuesday at Rasa Caffe. 09:45. You have 15 min. R McKay. 

And he resolutely refuses to think about how the hell McKay got his number. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

The first progress meeting they have is… strange. And unpleasant. Mostly because McKay is aggressive and insists on saying things about Daniel’s self that are confusing and unpleasant. 

“You are not the most idiotic person I have ever met.” McKay says when they have their drinks and their table. “And from the lines of your groin I can extrapolate that your penis is of adequate size.”

“You’re not convincing me that Sam’s wrong to hate you.” Daniel mumbles back, causing McKay to frown at him and scribble something on a napkin. 

“Your face meets the requisite symmetry parameters to be considered attractive by modern western standards.” McKay says, and look expectantly at Daniel and… oh fuck no. 

“Are you… complimenting me?” Daniel asks warily. 

“Of course!” McKay snaps. “Is that not obvious?” 

And hey, look, McKay can actually ask questions and be a victim of uncertainty. Daniel sighs and closes his eyes. 

“Well, if you’re complimenting someone you should be sure they know it. Like, for instance, you could say they look nice. Also- no commenting on genitalia or secondary sexual characteristics okay?” 

“Look nice.” McKay says it in the same tone of voice as most people say ‘nuclear war’, but he’s scribbling something more on the napkin. Daniel hopes it’s the part about genitalia. 

“Well, yes. The entire point of compliments is that they make the recipient feel good about themselves, right? So, you should say something like ‘Hello Daniel, I think that sweater really makes your eyes look nice’. Make it clear that you like the person.” 

“But clothing changes every day!” McKay snaps. 

“Well, yeah. That way you can compliment the person every day. Also, people like if you notice that they’ve done something new with their hair.” Daniel muses, remembering his own dating days. 

“That’s ridiculous.” McKay snaps. “And I don’t see a bionic arm yet!” 

Then he leaves in a flurry of upset physicist and Daniel just sighs into his pumpkin spice latte. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

“You are wearing aesthetically pleasing garments today.” McKay snaps at him the next time they meet for coffee. 

“Well, it’s less likely to get HR involved, I’ll give you that.” Daniel sighs before he almost chokes on his latte. “Oh fuck! You had a crush on Sam! You were trying to compliment her!”

“That’s ridiculous.” McKay sniffs at him. “I would never have something as mundane as a crush on Samantha Carter.” 

“Wow.” Daniel shakes his head in sympathy. “That bad, huh? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I used to be so jealous of her with Jack back in the day… Not that she’s that kind of person!”

“I am already aware that she is the pinnacle of evolutionary standards for humans, Jackson. Your instinct to protect your mate is only logical, not based on any assumed personality defects in any of the parties in question.” 

“Well. Yes. That’s very nice of you to say.” 

McKay shoots him a glare and Daniel rolls his eyes. “I mean it’s very logical and not at all nice.” 

“Of course not. I’m not a ‘nice’ person. Ask anyone.” 

“Even John?” Daniel asks casually and watches McKay still. 

“John would be in the best position to know, based on time spent in each other’s company, workload, and general exposure to my many personal defects.” 

“Hm. And yet…”

“I see no arm. Stop wasting my precious time.” McKay says and runs out of the shop like the hounds of hell are on his heels.

Daniel just smiles at his latte. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

McKay is fifteen minutes late to the next check in session, crazy eyed and unable to do anything but blink incredibly fast. He looks like he’s on drugs. 

“Are you okay?” Daniel asks him as he presses his usual order into his hand. 

“No.” McKay tries to snap at him- but it comes out incredibly nasal and he stops to sneeze into a handkerchief several times. 

Daniel frowns at him. “Isn’t it a bit early for hay fever?” Though that would explain the red, watery eyes. 

“I experimented with personal scent alteration today. It did not go well.” 

Daniel feels his eyebrow attempt to escape from his forehead. “When you say ‘not well’…”

“We all suffer from hay fever. It was a miscalculation on my part.” McKay snuffles irritably at him.

“Okay. I hear that. But, uhm, why are you wearing John’s clothes?” 

And they are John’s- in fact, that’s John’s favourite jacket over the sweater that Ronon knitted him for Christmas. 

McKay manages to go even more red and avoid his eyes completely. 

“Letting you borrow his favourite jacket is a good thing you know.” Daniel smiles before he points at the jacket he’s currently wearing. “You just make sure he never gets it back.” 

“He didn’t even look at me once.” McKay grumbles. 

Daniel laughs a little at the petulance in that statement. “The good ones never do, McKay. Just hold onto that jacket and give him some time to come around.”

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Three meetings later McKay swoops into the coffee shop looking unbearably smug. 

“I see you got your man then.” Daniel smiles.

“Considering my incredible intellect and the fact that I focused at least twenty percent of it on the application of my research into my daily life it was only to be expected.” And damn, the man is not only preening like a cockatoo in mating season, he’s practically glowing. 

“i’m happy for you guys.” 

“I’ll believe it when I see that bionic arm, Jackson.” 

Daniel smiles and takes another sip of his latte before something explodes on the other side of campus. By the engineering labs. 

“Well,” Daniel sighs, “there goes our record for least explosions in an academic year.”

“In that case, keep the arm.” McKay splutters through the coffee that went down his trachea. 

Daniel just laughs.


End file.
